I was chatting with a friend over tea. it seemed that whenever she got together with her boyfriend, things went down the drain. she was telling me how they’re both stressed out, and how they try to take it out on each other all the time. which by itself creates more stress.
they’re both exhausted emotionally, and have a very low level of energy. no matter how they try to resolve their arguments, it won’t work. because the problem in the first place isn’t in the relationship itself.
relationships are all about energy. people get together and exchange energy. my friend and her boyfriend both have a very low energy level. when they get together, all they do is try to steal each others’ energy. and since they both have very little energy to spare, and both are attempting to steal, an argument is unavoidable.
lets assume another scenario, where my friend has a very high energy level, and her partner a low energy level. when they get together, her partner will try to steal her energy. and because she has a lot energy to spare, and she gives it willingly. they balance each other out. she ends up with lower energy and feeling less happy, and her partner leaves with higher energy, and feeling better. if my friend isn’t generating a lot of energy when she’s away from her boyfriend, the next time when they together, there will definitely be a clash. the boyfriend is disappointed, trying to steal energy that doesn’t exist, and now she’s also trying to steal his, again, to compensate for hers.
the worst part of this, is that it creates a dependency. it creates an attachment that’s intensely painful when broken. if the only source of energy for boyfriend is her, then what happens when she travels, or when she’s away for a little while. where does he get his energy from? he has so little energy, he won’t even bother figuring out other sources. he’ll feel pain, loneliness, ‘missing’, he’ll demand that she comes back, he’ll eat a lot, and sleep all the time, hoping this will compensate for missing energy. of course it doesn’t. that only feeds the body. ultimately this can lead to being overly possessive, jealous, depressed, and possibly, physically violent.
the best possible scenario in any relationship is where both couples have a lot of energy to spare, and when they get together, no one tries to steal. instead, they share, they give, they exchange, they grow into each other. and amazingly this creates an explosive atmosphere of energy. the energy that they both came in with multiplies exponentially. they both have an experience that takes their breath away. it feels like paradise. it is. and they both end up with an energy tenfold more than they came in with, and also a different, higher, more vibrant quality. and an experience that’s out of this world.
you have to be aware here. what made this magical experience happen, is that both people came in with lots of energy to spare. and for this to work every time, they both need to come in with that much energy. they can make the mistake of relying on each other for energy, and cut off from the sources that fueled them with the high level of energy. this is the beginning of the end of that relationship. because, with no other energy sources but each other, the collective energy will ultimately drain out. fast. and the fight for energy begins again.
this is why, it’s vital that you keep your energy level high at all times. it’s vital that you don’t cut off from your different energy sources. and it’s ultimately destructive to rely one person, as your source. destructive for both of you.
what to do about it? how do you prevent someone from stealing your energy? how you prevent yourself from stealing someone else’s energy? how do you raise your energy level if you have none in the first place? where to get energy from? the single most overlooked habit that makes you ‘think’ you’re raising your energy. and how to keep your energy high, and get real signs when it’s falling? continue to part 2 — ENE102b
p.s highly related: you/him/her: I’m sick of doing it your way, I want us to do it my way — ENE101