you/him/her: I’m sick of doing it your way, I want us to do it my way — ENE101

into boys? read this:
you do what you want your way.
he does what he wants his way.
the relationship is the intersection between the two.

into girls? read this:
you do what you want your way.
she does what she wants her way.
the relationship is the intersection between the two.

update: I received a comment below asking: “what if the 2 never intersect?” and for this I have 2 answers.

1. a prerequisite for my advice to work, is that there’s love or genuine attraction between the couple. of course this will not work when only one side wants the relationship. and based on this, you have to accept that some relationships are just ‘inconvenient’ for both sides. when each person in the relationship does things that keeps him away from the other person person all the time, how can there be a relationship? if one person has to compromise and sacrifice to be with the other person, this beats the purpose of course.

let’s take hanane and I as an example: I enjoy getting together with people and having mentally challenging conversations; hanane can’t stand that. if she were to come along because she wants to spend time with me, she’ll end up having a miserable evening listening to people sharing complex & sometimes pointless thoughts. which beats the point of us being together. if you make this the norm in your relationship, then you have a very inconvenient situation, which sometimes is best resolved by either dropping the relationship, or considering point 2:

2. if nothing ever intersects between the activities of the couple, this could be fine. as long as the couple makes time to come together, be together, spend time together, make love together, talk together and share; then these become the common activities 🙂 and a relationship can be built on those. sometimes one of the most rewarding experiences is sharing with your partner stories and experiences about your activities, and hearing his in return.

i made a sketch below to clear things up:

top sketch: you have hanane’s circle of activities, and you have mine. and you can see the activities that intersect between us. now i’ve tried each of hanane’s activites once, and she has tried each of mine once, just so that we can experience and understand the life of the other person. but that’s it, i’d never expect hanane to come with me climbing, and she would never ask me to go with her to an illustration workshop. we simply enjoy tremendously the activities between us, and each enjoys tremendously his own activities. and the magic happens when we get together and share.
bottom sketch: this is a case where there are no common activities between the couple. as you can see, the activities in the middle are basic human requirements, and are common to 99% of the population. and a healthy relationship can be based on just those basic activities.

Will-nane-activities

when you start dropping what you want to do, so you can be with your partner, that’s when you start killing your relationship.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? -or how to get a life- (part 1 of 2) — ENE102a

 

note to self: a friendship is structured this way, and it works on the long run for both friends because of this. for an intimate relationship to be healthy it has to have all the components of a friendship + the intimate bit.

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2 Responses to you/him/her: I’m sick of doing it your way, I want us to do it my way — ENE101

  1. Anonymous says:

    somehow I just don’t see this working. you do what you want, he said what he wants….what if they never intersect? LOL. Kinda have to have a mutual agreeing point on something, I don’t believe it can be unspoken…especially if the relationship is in the roughs. A lot of time people are too selfish to do this though…or people don’t know how to communicate, maybe both..

  2. Anonymous says:

    hey nat! 🙂 i added my reply to the note itself as an update. thanks for the question, and stay cool in winter 😉

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